Farngomdut is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, stupid newt.

Farngomdut created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farngomdut, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Farngomdut, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Farngomdut's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Farngomdut's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with fear.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Never think about nebulae.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.