Dagtoflarn is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, clever hydra.

Dagtoflarn created the world eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dagtoflarn, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dagtoflarn, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dagtoflarn's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Dagtoflarn's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide from pink sharks for they are unholy.

3. Erect five nickel sculptures of Dagtoflarn on top of important buildings.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.