Cempogcub is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, boastful narwhal.

Cempogcub created the planet Saturn eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cempogcub, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cempogcub, he will throw large rocks at you.

Cempogcub's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Cempogcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never feed lots of garlic to eagles while wearing cyan kilts.

5. Cempogcub must be the most important thing in your life.