Flapjigzed is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, able walrus.

Flapjigzed created the planet Saturn six million years ago.

If you believe in Flapjigzed, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flapjigzed, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Flapjigzed's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Flapjigzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not cook food in pots.