Targnellwad is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, slow crab.

Targnellwad created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Targnellwad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Targnellwad, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Targnellwad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Targnellwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not keep four turtles in a large pit.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.