Hashotyarl is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, duplicitous jaguar.

Hashotyarl created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hashotyarl, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hashotyarl, it will turn you into a puffin.

Hashotyarl's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Hashotyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about hamsters.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Always wear pink.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.