Flaggilfly is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic aardvark.

Flaggilfly created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaggilfly, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Flaggilfly, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flaggilfly's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Flaggilfly's Holy Commandments

1. Flaggilfly must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Always store lentils above ground.

4. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

5. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.