Matpigcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, confident hamster.

Matpigcuss created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Matpigcuss, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Matpigcuss, she will turn you into a rat.

Matpigcuss' most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Matpigcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after porpoises.

2. Never write about chromosomes.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Never chant in the presence of snakes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.