Jarnsabmeg is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, benevolent jellyfish.

Jarnsabmeg created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnsabmeg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnsabmeg, he will turn you into a puffin.

Jarnsabmeg's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Jarnsabmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Retreat if three great tits approach from the north.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing brown tights and balancing four iron spheres on your head.

5. Never look at nebulae.