Yartcanbed is a god.

She takes the form of a large, wise chinchilla.

Yartcanbed created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartcanbed, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yartcanbed, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yartcanbed's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Yartcanbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing east.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

3. Always treat eagles with great respect.

4. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

5. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.