Larg Higxuckmet is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, omnipotent tortoise.

Larg Higxuckmet created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Larg Higxuckmet, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Larg Higxuckmet, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Larg Higxuckmet's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Larg Higxuckmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Larg Higxuckmet's priests.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. You must never eat limes.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.