Staffascet is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, dishonourable hyena.

Staffascet created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Staffascet, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Staffascet, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Staffascet's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Staffascet's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to porpoises while wearing hats.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about horses.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Never feed lots of nuts to snakes while wearing gray stockings.