Bamquamtab is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, awesome monkey.

Bamquamtab created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamquamtab, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bamquamtab, she will turn you into a tree.

Bamquamtab's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Bamquamtab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Run away from pink badgers, for they are unholy.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never wear green corsets.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.