Bapmanquim is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, witless eagle.

Bapmanquim created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bapmanquim, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bapmanquim, it will turn you into a mouse.

Bapmanquim's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Bapmanquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of signs.

2. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing gray kilts and balancing eight gold spheres on your chest.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.