Zakwotkop is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, unfair swallow.

Zakwotkop created parasitic wasps three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakwotkop, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zakwotkop, she will destroy your home solar system.

Zakwotkop's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Zakwotkop's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Zakwotkop.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not eat apples.