Sogvontonk is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish crab.

Sogvontonk created everything that exists twelve years ago.

If you believe in Sogvontonk, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sogvontonk, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Sogvontonk's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Sogvontonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never wear white hats.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.