Tapbonvag is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awe-inspiring shrew.

Tapbonvag created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapbonvag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tapbonvag, he will turn you into a rat.

Tapbonvag's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tapbonvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always count to seven before sleeping.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.