Haphimflag is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unselfish gnu.

Haphimflag created water eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haphimflag, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Haphimflag, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Haphimflag's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Haphimflag's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow seals to witness sacred rites.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Never feed grapes to shrews while wearing mauve kilts.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.