Nartvilmig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, conceited salamander.

Nartvilmig created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Nartvilmig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nartvilmig, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Nartvilmig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nartvilmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Remain standing during prayer.

5. Never mark doors with indigo.