Volhunhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful elephant.

Volhunhiv created the Cigar Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volhunhiv, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Volhunhiv, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Volhunhiv's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Volhunhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always share grapes with strangers, but never with mites.

2. Always act with patience when addressing elders.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near ants while wearing gray skirts and balancing nine nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Never record numbers.

5. Hide if four manatees approach from the east.