Fethakcunman is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, selfish gerbil.

Fethakcunman created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fethakcunman, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fethakcunman, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fethakcunman's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Fethakcunman's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fethakcunman.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Put Fethakcunman first in all things.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fethakcunman.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.