Jamtendad Cepfigmig is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, irritating spider.

Jamtendad Cepfigmig created the Black Eye Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamtendad Cepfigmig, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jamtendad Cepfigmig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jamtendad Cepfigmig's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Jamtendad Cepfigmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never talk about great tits.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.