Toftik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, humorless chinchilla.

Toftik created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Toftik, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Toftik, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Toftik's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Toftik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Toftik on top of all buildings.

3. Do not laugh at mountains.

4. Never feed lots of melons to sheep while wearing mauve skirts.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.