Bepfutyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, ruthless crab.

Bepfutyarl created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepfutyarl, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bepfutyarl, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bepfutyarl's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Bepfutyarl's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bepfutyarl nine times a day.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.

4. Always help great tits.

5. Never laugh near foxes.