Sasvonkwothon is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unfair spider.

Sasvonkwothon created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sasvonkwothon, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Sasvonkwothon, she will turn you into a mole.

Sasvonkwothon's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Sasvonkwothon's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt manatees.

2. Never write about thermodynamics.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sasvonkwothon.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.