Taftikjondog is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical fish.

Taftikjondog created an electron four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taftikjondog, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taftikjondog, it will boil you in a big pot.

Taftikjondog's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Taftikjondog's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple dolphins for they are unholy.

2. Never feed garlic to eagles while wearing white rings.

3. Do not keep six mites in a large pit.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not resist balance.