Xinspagtif is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, temperamental sheep.

Xinspagtif created the cosmos nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinspagtif, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xinspagtif, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Xinspagtif's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Xinspagtif's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tapirs in need.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xinspagtif.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.