Staf is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, caring centipede.

Staf created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staf, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Staf, he will turn you into a goat.

Staf's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Staf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about black holes.

2. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never jump in the presence of sharks.