Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, irritating snake.

Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem, she will turn you into a slug.

Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Yatarmdon Yattquamkopfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

2. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near mites while wearing pink coats and balancing five gold spheres on your neck.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.