Veenbagnil is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, idiotic tortoise.

Veenbagnil created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Veenbagnil, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Veenbagnil, she will jump up and down on your head.

Veenbagnil's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Veenbagnil's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never wear shoes.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.