Lidsawfot is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, witty turtle.

Lidsawfot created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lidsawfot, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lidsawfot, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lidsawfot's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Lidsawfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bread on fasting days.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never feed melons to snails while wearing turquoise tights.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not contemplate spacetime during the night.