Yimfossvonkpig is a god.

She takes the form of a small, awe-inspiring snake.

Yimfossvonkpig created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yimfossvonkpig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yimfossvonkpig, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Yimfossvonkpig's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Yimfossvonkpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while blessed.

2. Always help sick horses.

3. Never sprint in the presence of sharks.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never talk about optics near mice while wearing green stockings and balancing five zinc spheres on your chest.