Xemratfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, vain manatee.

Xemratfeb created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemratfeb, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xemratfeb, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Xemratfeb's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Xemratfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not hurt birds.

3. Retreat if five tapirs approach from the north.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. You must never eat lentils.