Tuncunpang is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-powerful elephant.

Tuncunpang created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tuncunpang, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tuncunpang, he will turn you into a snail.

Tuncunpang's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tuncunpang's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from pink porpoises, for they are unholy.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Do not take Tuncunpang's name in vain.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tuncunpang.

5. Never talk about dogs.