Yogcemgess is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, almighty goblin.

Yogcemgess created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yogcemgess, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yogcemgess, he will not care.

Yogcemgess' most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Yogcemgess' Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never feed garlic to voles while wearing kilts.

3. Never mention doves.

4. You must pray to Yogcemgess four times a day.

5. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.