Vonkstaftag is a god.

It takes the form of a large, ill-tempered beaver.

Vonkstaftag created the Milkyway five million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkstaftag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonkstaftag, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vonkstaftag's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Vonkstaftag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Always help hamsters in need.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.