Nurlquagbess is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, egotistical lion.

Nurlquagbess created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlquagbess, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nurlquagbess, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Nurlquagbess' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Nurlquagbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near whales while wearing fawn dresses and balancing seven lead spheres on your face.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Always wear magenta.

4. Do not hop in public.

5. Never talk about fire.