Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic dolphin.

Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Ruttgarstragkandogfuttap's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near pigs while wearing turquoise shoes and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Never look at galaxies.