Vonkladkon is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, omnipotent salamander.

Vonkladkon created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkladkon, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonkladkon, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkladkon's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Vonkladkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Vonkladkon loves snakes, so they must be honoured.