Citlagnur is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, capable gorilla.

Citlagnur created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Citlagnur, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Citlagnur, it will throw large rocks at you.

Citlagnur's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Citlagnur's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Citlagnur nine times a day.

2. Do not study deoxyribonucleic acid on holy days.

3. Never feed grapes to shrews while wearing yellow tights.

4. Do not hurt dogs.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.