Yarpnegwip is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, emotional snail.

Yarpnegwip created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnegwip, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarpnegwip, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Yarpnegwip's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Yarpnegwip's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about planets.

3. Do not consume oranges at dawn.

4. Never record signs.

5. Heed all visions.