Bedbonkapp is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, stupid skunk.

Bedbonkapp created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Bedbonkapp, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bedbonkapp, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bedbonkapp's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Bedbonkapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Never talk about moths.

3. Never think about spacetime near monkeys while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing seven iron spheres on your face.

4. Do not eat bananas.

5. Bedbonkapp loves snails, so they must be respected.