Tapcenkom Bellhinvil is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, amazing hare.

Tapcenkom Bellhinvil created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapcenkom Bellhinvil, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tapcenkom Bellhinvil, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tapcenkom Bellhinvil's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tapcenkom Bellhinvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat geese with great respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Never wear kilts.

5. Run away if three aardvarks approach from the north.