Tonkvennull Fitshavbin is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unselfish jaguar.

Tonkvennull Fitshavbin created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvennull Fitshavbin, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkvennull Fitshavbin, she will jump up and down on your head.

Tonkvennull Fitshavbin's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Tonkvennull Fitshavbin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six silver sculptures of Tonkvennull Fitshavbin on top of important buildings.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near grasshopers while wearing orange shoes and balancing nine platinum spheres on your face.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not make images of living things.