Hantonkarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent bird.

Hantonkarn created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hantonkarn, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hantonkarn, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hantonkarn's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Hantonkarn's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Hantonkarn on top of all buildings.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Hantonkarn loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always obey Hantonkarn's priests.