Japhimlop is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, able ferret.

Japhimlop created the planet Mars four billion years ago.

If you believe in Japhimlop, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Japhimlop, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Japhimlop's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Japhimlop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Do not take Japhimlop's name in vain.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near eagles while wearing pink coats and balancing six zinc spheres on your neck.