Vagbetpak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, unsympathetic slug.

Vagbetpak created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagbetpak, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vagbetpak, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Vagbetpak's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Vagbetpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Feed all hungry porpoises.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.