Stafbankar is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, witty centaur.

Stafbankar created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Stafbankar, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Stafbankar, it will make you grow a tail.

Stafbankar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Stafbankar's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach rivers carrying clay.

2. You must pray to Stafbankar eight times a day.

3. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

4. Pray only in moonlight.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.