Yakarnmip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sapient monkey.

Yakarnmip created the planet Saturn eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yakarnmip, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yakarnmip, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yakarnmip's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Yakarnmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

2. Never paint your legs purple.

3. Never stain your back with violet.

4. Do not place tomatoes upon stone.

5. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.