Yartnuttgov is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, awesome bear.

Yartnuttgov created a Higgs boson eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yartnuttgov, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Yartnuttgov, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Yartnuttgov's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Yartnuttgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

2. Turtles are not to be trusted.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

5. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the east.