Bifvenwig is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, uncaring hyena.

Bifvenwig created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifvenwig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bifvenwig, she will think nothing of it.

Bifvenwig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bifvenwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Put Bifvenwig first in all things.

4. Do not prepare lentils while wearing tights.

5. Never point your chest toward the east during prayer.