Tarpvonceb is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, flying mole.

Tarpvonceb created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvonceb, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tarpvonceb, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tarpvonceb's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Tarpvonceb's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tarpvonceb eight times a day.

2. Tarpvonceb loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Do not kill turtles.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.